"They Say, I Say" Blog Post; 9 "You Mean I Can Just Say It That Way?"

 After being given a heavy load of homework, I immediately began working in order to complete each assignment with plenty of time to correct any errors. As for the ninth chapter of  They Say, I Say, which focused on informal writing, I found it to be quite interesting as I typically attempt to complicate my writing; which of course, is of no use. Throughout the chapter, Gerald Graff and Cathy Birkenstein utilized examples from amateur writers as well as professionals to show different ways in which authors are able to formulate their thoughts. Simply put, what I once thought to be an easy task, is now capable of being much more challenging; especially if I'm to use the templates presented throughout this chapter as well as others. Nonetheless, I will likely prolong my writing times to complete my work to satisfaction including the templates and strategies found throughout chapter nine of They Say, I Say. Although we were required to read, the true challenge came in answering the exercise questions which each required us, the students, to ensure proper implementation of the techniques described throughout chapter nine. That said, I also attempted to utilize prior lessons in my exercises which are listed next. First and foremost, we were instructed to share our work of revising a section within They Say, I Say with our classmates from our most recent project. They were to then annotate our writing to see what changes they would've made as opposed to what I had done. Secondly, we were instructed to review our own writing and identify the times which we did, and didn't properly utilize methods of formal writing. In doing so, we would then be able to edit our work accordingly. Both exercises are listed below with a brief explanation: 

1. Beginning with editing the work found within They Say, I Say, it's common to find the proper usage of terms and templates which are encouraged to be used, as one would expect. That said, I was able to identify certain sections that inadequately did so; most notably, the second paragraph on page 119. Upon mentioning this excerpt to group members, there was a common consensus that the writing had ignored numerous principles which the authors had previously set; including the decision to either implement formal or informal writing techniques. Within their writing, they began with an informal approach that rapidly shifted to using words that did not fit; instead, they seemed far too "academic", a matter which is rarely utilized so long as it's within an informal excerpt as it was. As an example, in saying "Note, for example, how Judith Fetterley, a prominent scholar in the field of literary studies, blends academic and everyday ways of talking in the following passage" the authors ignore that in quickly shifting from their informal introduction "Note, for example,", they lose much of their writings' efficacy. Nonetheless, they, as in the authors, would continuously shift between this informal technique and one which proves to be too formal for the current topic. That said, the damage is minimal and still serves as a lesson for when I progress to exercise two, which has me review my own work.

2. As for our second exercise, we were instructed to review one of our own academic works of writing in order to see if we have properly implemented the reviewed techniques. In doing so, we would make proper markings and then bring our work to life so that our point is conveyed clearer as well as in a fashion that the audience can easily read. The excerpt from my most recent argumentative essay is below and marked in accordance with the instructions: 

Among the many demographics impacted by the COVID-19 Pandemic and its associated procedures, none have been as neglected as young academics who require a constant stream of education to improve development. Through means of civil discourse, debate, and even protests, parties that hold a stake in whether students are able to return to in-person school have voiced their concerns. In doing so, these groups typically disregard the proper decision for those who are undergoing the harshest of times, students. Instead, stakeholders such as teacher unions, board directors, parents, and even employers tend to decide what’s best based upon their individual needs as opposed to listening to the students who are rarely given a platform to adequately voice their concerns. In an effort to limit the drastic harm which the ongoing pandemic has caused, it is essential that in-person learning environments be reintroduced to students as they require an education that provides a sound gateway to mental stability, social skills, and school welfare programs. While efforts have been made to incorporate said advantages into an online environment, these incomplete solutions provide a foundation that can potentially harm the future workforce of the United States.

Throughout my writing, I underlined numerous phrases which I felt, in accordance with chapter nine, were either unfitting because of their level of formality, their validity, and ease of reading. Below is a fixed draft of the above annotations:

Among the many demographics impacted by the COVID-19 Pandemic and its associated procedures, none have been as neglected as young academics who require continuous personable education to improve development. Through means of civil discourse, debate, and often protests, parties that hold a stake in whether students are able to return to in-person school have voiced their concerns. In doing so, these groups typically disregard the proper decision for those who are undergoing the harshest of times, students. Instead, stakeholders such as teacher unions, board directors, parents, and sometimes employers tend to decide what’s best based upon their individual needs as opposed to listening to the students who are rarely given a platform to adequately voice their concerns. In an effort to limit the drastic harm which the ongoing pandemic has caused, it is essential that in-person learning environments be reintroduced to students as they require an education that provides a proper methodology to mental stability, social skills, and school welfare programs. While efforts have been made to incorporate said advantages into an online atmosphere, these incomplete solutions provide a foundation that can drastically harm the future workforce of the United States.

With my recent alterations, I changed not only the emphasis that the audience is to pick up upon reading but also the ease in which they will have. While minor, the changes which I've made are unfortunately done following my submission of this paper. 

With that said, remain safe, and thank you for reading!